I finally made good use of a mass-forwarded email someone sent me. It was full of interesting, but not inherently humorous facts, which I’ve turned into the following news update.

Dateline Sea World: Scientists have discovered that turtles can breathe through their butts. Sociologists point out that they’ve seen this phenomenon before, because while politicians can only inhale through their mouths, they can certainly blow it out their ass.

Scientists have also discovered that butterflies taste with their feet. This explains why butterflies frequently complain that their food tastes like dirty socks.

Poker expert Lou Krieger has written a new book about playing-card trivia. While researching his book, called “I’m Not Playing with a Full Deck,” Krieger says he learned that the king of hearts is the only king without a moustache. Krieger reports that when asked to pick a favorite King, the queens won’t choose the King of Hearts because he can’t give rides.

Speaking of authors, a new biographer reports that Walt Disney was afraid of mice. He developed the original Mickey Mouse at the suggestion of his therapist, who felt that drawing a cute, personified mouse would help Disney overcome his fear. Turns out his fear was justified: Disney died after he was mugged by Mickey on an Anaheim street corner shortly after the opening of Disneyland.

Historians now believe that the reason firehouses have circular stairways comes from the days when the engines were pulled by horses. The horses were stabled on the ground floor but figured out how to walk up straight staircases. This wasn’t really a problem until they refused to take turns when sliding down the pole.

The electric chair was invented by a dentist, who needed a way to punish those patients who failed to floss.

A Boeing 747’s wingspan is longer than the Wright brother’s first flight. Interestingly, the line at the baggage claim during Orville Wright’s first visit to a commercial airport was even longer.

Here’s some Americana for you: Richard Milhaus Nixon was the first US president whose name contains all the letters from the word “criminal.” The second was William Jefferson Clinton. The two George Walker Bush’s are the only presidents whose middle names are a piece of medical equipment, unless you count Franklin Wheelchair Roosevelt.

Here’s an interesting fact from nature: Oak trees do not produce acorns until they are fifty years of age or older. Fortunately for the human male, his nuts are fully formed by the age of 15.

Another interesting fact, donkeys kill more people annually than plane crashes. Tragically, most of these deaths could be prevented, as research shows that 92 percent of the donkeys simply get tired of being called an ass.

And finally, Dateline Florida: new research shows that a hurricane releases more energy in 10 minutes than all of the world’s nuclear weapons combined. The most energy, however, was released in under 7 minutes last week, following a chili-dog-eating contest in Tampa.